The Inside Out

May 23, 2008
“Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day.” Those words crossed my mind yesterday as I looked out the window and saw gray skies, trees swaying every which way as a blustery wind forced them into submission. The wind was howling, cracks of thunder could be heard frequently. The wind was cool as it blew the smell of wet earth through my window. The water fell gently over the earth and then as if all at once, the clouds broke open pouring all they had on the earth. Rain, rain go away? Come again another day? Why do we sing that anyway? Is there really a good day for the rain to come?

When I first arrived in Vapnyarka, it seemed like it rained at least every other day and every night. Days that it didn’t rain were gray. It was as if the sun had abandoned this small town. The sky was gray and dreary, few leaves were on the trees, flowers were not blooming and the roads had become paths of rocks and mud with puddles to dodge and streams running down the center. This depressing environment was magnified by the sight and sound of dogs everywhere. These are not the kind of dogs that you want to cuddle up or play fetch with. No, these dogs are meant to protect someone’s property, if they meet you they do not want to make friends; they want to take a bite out of you. It was a dark time in my journey. The events leading up to my arrival were heartbreaking. And now that I had arrived, I was all alone with no direction. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it three months, let alone a whole year. Living one day at a time is all I could do. Give thanks for what I did have. I wasn’t comfortable but comfort becomes trivial when you are concerned about survival. God was there but so was Satan. The rain continued. Thanks to the prayers, support, and words of others here and in the U.S. I was encouraged. I knew I could make it. I was not alone.

Since that time much has happened. Spring has come, flowers have bloomed, trees are green, it rains less often, and I have officially put away my winter coat. The dogs still bark but the sound of birds singing beautiful songs can also be heard. I am getting around town much better on my own. My language skills are improving.

I wish I could tell you, “I am finished writing now, because things are just peachy!” I mean, if there is one thing that I do not doubt, it is that God has me here in this place at this time. So of course, because He is here, everything is perfect. Everything is good. I don’t get home sick. I don’t experience culture shock. Every door opens with ease. WRONG! This week has actually been rather difficult. I have been stressed about making arrangements for my Visa and having to change my airline ticket. And then there is the thought of ten more months here. It is something I look forward to but at the same time; I am anxious about what will happen as winter sets in and the Christmas season comes. What then? It seems odd to be away from my family at Christmas. Not being able to have a real conversation in English is also rather taxing. It is at these moments, when I am down and out and anxiety has found a place in my heart that Satan decides to speak up. “What am I doing here? It is so much easier to work with kids in the U.S., at least they can understand everything I am saying. Will my being here make a difference to anyone? I could just go home at the end of June. Why bother with the hassle of a Visa? If this really was the will of God, then why is it so difficult?”

Thankfully, this is not the only voice I hear. It is no coincidence that as I read the scriptures God pulls things out of my daily reading or directs me elsewhere to reveal His truth. I have heard such promises as:

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good work, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

1 Peter 5:10 “In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.”

I have also been encouraged as I read the story of Paul and the other believers. Throughout the book of Acts we see apostles travel throughout their world, sharing the gospel. They do miracles, they are loved accepted and taken care of by the church. And they are imprisoned, beaten, and many are killed. But still they go on. Still they give Praise. Still they share.

I have not been imprisoned or beaten. My suffering is small compared to Paul’s but like Paul I am greatly encouraged by other believers. It is miraculous to me that when I least expect it God uses my friends and family to speak to me on his behalf. It never fails that when I am discouraged or confused someone writes me something that specifically addresses the burden on my heart. How wonderful it is to be part of something so great, a body of believers, a family. I may be far away but I am not alone.

When I looked out the window yesterday and saw the storm move in, for the first time since I have been here, it wasn’t a dark cloud moving in. It was a refreshing shower. As the rain poured down, I found peace. It was as though God was saying, look I am here. Allow my love to pour down. Let it come into your life, may it quench your thirst, may My love be a source of growth. I will not leave you, my child. Let me wash your worries away. Be made new in me.

To even question whether my serving in Ukraine makes a difference in anyone’s life is a ridiculous question; because I know without a doubt that it has changed mine. It isn’t easy, but it isn’t supposed to be. Lamentations 3:22-23 states, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”